What a Mess
by justathingiwrote
Summary: 3x13 episode tag. A bit of Shandy angst-the ride home from The Nutcracker was not pleasant. [This is my very first fic. Not just in this fandom. It is my first one ever. So, be kind. I posted it kind of impulsively on tumblr, and I've since noticed some issues, but I'm posting as is] tumblr: justathingiwrote or disturbingclarity


The ride home from the ballet was quiet. Really quiet. At one point, apparently trying to break the silence, Andy had reached for the radio but his movement startled Sharon. She snapped out of her thoughts and when she made eye contact with him, he decided he better not. He could tell she was wordlessly insisting on silence; she wanted him to feel as uncomfortable as she did. And that went for Rusty too for that matter. Neither of the two were looking forward to their next conversations with Sharon, but they knew it was inevitable and so they sat in silence, with a general feeling of impending doom. Andy was sure his car engine had never been so loud.

The car came to a stop in the garage of Sharon's condo and the collective sigh of relief would have been almost comical if they hadn't all felt so anxious. Andy turned off the ignition and they all got out of the car.

"Rusty, go ahead on up. I need a minute to speak with Lieutenant Flynn."

Sharon's tone was level, but the look on her face read unmistakably as _you're next_. Rusty looked between Sharon and Flynn and shot Flynn an understanding look, offered a half-shrug and a second later, with Rusty headed for the elevator, Flynn was on his own.

"Get back in the car."

Andy didn't question it; he reached for the driver's side door but Sharon stopped him.

"I'm driving."

He knew that tone. Andy was sure he was about to be murdered, but he handed her the keys, afraid to do anything but comply.

This was a familiar scene. The drive was once again silent and Andy felt like he should say something. At the most he owed her an explanation and at the least he owed her an apology. He shifted in his seat, opening his mouth to say something. The shift prompted Sharon to briefly look in his direction and the look warned him that he didn't get to start this conversation. So he waited. In silence.

Eventually Sharon stopped the car at the top of a hill that led out to a grassy lookout. You could see the whole city from there but right smack dab in the middle of this _particular _lookout was Dodger Stadium. The season was well over, but the lights were bright and tinted red and green for Christmas. Sharon had been thinking about what she was going to say for the entire night and she still wasn't quite settled on where to begin, but here they were and she had to say _something_. She suddenly felt uncharacteristically nervous. She sighed a little; she didn't _want_ to take him to task, but she couldn't let him off the hook. No. She had to let him know that this wasn't okay with her.

"Andy." She began and he braced himself for the worst. "When we went to the Dodger's game in September, you told me that Provenza had canceled on you at the last minute. Was that true?" This isn't what he'd expected but lucky for him, it had been.

"Sharon—I…" he started.

"Was it true, Andy?" Her eyes were wet and her voice was hollow. He couldn't stand to see her like this.

"Of course it was true. Why would I lie?" The second it came out of his mouth, he realized why she'd asked him.

"I don't know, Andy! Why would you lie?" Her tone was harsher than she'd wanted, but she had been holding in her anger, quietly seething for the whole night and was finally at a breaking point. A tear rolled down her cheek. "Why would you lie to me? And to Nicole?" He could tell she wasn't finished yet, so he didn't respond. Sharon wiped her tear, hoping he hadn't noticed it. "Andy, you know how I feel about lying. We deal with liars every day and you know what I went through with Jack!" Her voice was faltering "You're my _best friend_, Andy- the person I go to when I need to talk to somebody I can _trust_. Do you know how long it's been since I've had someone like that in my life?" She took a beat to collect herself. "How can I trust you now, Andy? You used me! How can I trust _us_?" She gestured between them and when her hand went toward him, he grabbed it. She didn't want to want him to, but she did and she closed her eyes momentarily to decide if he deserved it. He didn't and she knew it, but she needed the comfort so she let her hand rest in his.

"Sharon, you have to know that I never meant to lie to you or to hurt you. Nicole made those assumptions on her own and I let her believe it because I would never in a million years land a woman like you for real. She seemed to think I was worth something when you were with me." She moved her hand back into her lap and stared out the windshield.

"I feel so foolish." He'd never heard her sound so listless. "All this time, I thought we were friends when in reality you just wanted to parade me around in front of your family to make yourself look better. This whole thing has been one lie after another."

"I know you're mad and you have every right to be. I know how it seems, but your friendship is everything to me, Sharon. I never meant to lie to you or to hurt you. It was selfish and I don't know what else to say besides I'm so sorry." She was still staring out into the LA skyline; he wasn't even sure if she'd heard him.

"Did you think of that day as a date?" She had heard him, but she didn't care for his apology right now.

"Huh?"

"The Dodger's game…" she considered and then continued "…the museum benefit, the movies, the dinners. Did you think of them as dates?"

"No, Sharon. You made it clear the first time we spent any time together that you were a married woman and I've always respected that." Sharon was skeptical.

"So you haven't been…I mean, you weren't trying to…woo me?" Andy had to grin a little at that. _Woo her?_ She really was too adorable sometimes.

"No. I haven't been trying to _woo_ you." He was happy to hear how confident his answer sounded considering he wasn't entirely sure that he hadn't been, even if it was unintentional. Sharon was caught off guard by her disappointment; she'd half-expected him to admit to it right there and then. She wasn't used to hoping that Andy wanted her yet. She knew she had been starting to feel something more towards him, even before the whole post-dinner Spanish Inquisition, she just didn't recognize as _love_ until tonight, which was such a shame because she was thrilled with the realization, until she remembered what it was that made her come to it.

"Okay" was all she had at the moment.

"Okay."

"You didn't deny it, even tonight, Andy. You just let Nicole keep thinking that we're together and you didn't even interject when Rusty suggested it." She knew she had to put her foot down about it; the relationship needed clear parameters. She was his boss and at this point she wasn't even sure she could call him a friend anymore. She needed to be able to trust him for them to continue any sort of relationship and she couldn't right now. Her eyes started to sting again. "I can't…I mean…we can't…" It was harder than she thought it would be and he could tell she was struggling to get it out.

"I know. We're friends, Sharon. I never expected anything else from you, despite what I told Nicole and despite how I feel about you." He shouldn't have said that last bit right now, but it was too late. Sharon couldn't stand to hear him confirm his feelings, knowing how it had to be now. She turned on the ignition as a tear streamed down her face and started to drive.

"Friends don't lie to each other; they don't use each other. This just kills me, Andy, because if I'm honest here, I was starting to feel something more for you, too and I never thought that would happen for me again." Andy felt sick; he never thought that Sharon could have shared his feelings. How could he have screwed this up _so _epically?

"Are we going to be okay?" was all he could think to say. Another apology would have been feckless and another declaration would have seemed desperate.

"I don't know."

And she didn't. She wanted to think that she could eventually trust him again but right now she was mourning their friendship. She couldn't believe that everything had come together and fallen apart in one fell swoop. She didn't even get to enjoy the fact that she'd let herself fall in love with someone again. She needed Andy in her life and she knew it, but it was going to be a long while before she could let him in again.

The drive back was painful. She wept almost the whole time; she wasn't hysterical but the tears were falling slowly and freely. Andy felt so powerless; he was the one she would normally come to when she was upset and he would offer a shoulder and envelop her in a hug and tell her everything was going to be okay. He knew that as the source of her pain, he couldn't be that for her tonight and he hated it.

Sharon didn't pull into the garage this time, but rather into the semi-circle driveway out front of her condo. When the car came to a stop, they both got out and Andy met her in the middle, behind the car, on his way back to the driver's side. Sharon stared at the ground for a long while before she looked up and gave a simple "Goodnight." Andy brushed her hair behind her ear and looked her dead in the eyes. Neither of them broke the stare and in that moment, Sharon knew it was hopeless. She'd never be able to stay mad at him.

"I'm going to make this up to you, Sharon. I promise." She offered him a slight smile and returned her gaze to the pavement.

"Okay."

And with that she walked away. He watched her for a moment to make sure she got in okay and drove away. Neither of them would sleep a wink tonight; the desperate search was on to figure out how they could possibly come back from this. What a mess.


End file.
